she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Can I color on your dick again?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
