I bet he comes in French.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
