I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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