if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
