Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Mom said you looked used
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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