areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
