One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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