yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
