airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
