I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Randomize
