i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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