Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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