You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
