I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
