Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
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