Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
