after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
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i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
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They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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