I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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