I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I love having hate sex.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
