You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
