Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
