Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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