My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
