Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
