Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
