What did we do last night that was yellow?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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