i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
