She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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