I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
