I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
