Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
