do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
