dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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