Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
