In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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