I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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