The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
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