Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
