so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
