Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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