She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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