Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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