this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
