There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
