the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
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Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
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I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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