Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
