No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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