I was born with a shot glass in my hand
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
