doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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