She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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