just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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