So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
