You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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