So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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