i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize