I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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