if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
soo... how was my night?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
