i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
