get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
