it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
