how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
