My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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