In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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